www.StupidGamblers.com
A site for stories and quips about stupid gamblers, gambling, and ridiculous gambling superstitions.
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Plenty more to come. Keep coming back and watching as the Supid Gamblers story library grows.
Dealers, Floor Supervisors, Pit Managers, etc., keep submitting your
Stupid Gamblers stories for display here.
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I watch a man one night blowing over a thousand dollars on the Blackjack table,
who then calls the floor supervisor over.
He says "Can you comp me for four sandwiches from your deli? I gotta take home dinner for my kids."
GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS NATIONAL HOTLINE 888-GA-HELPS (888-424-3577)-CALL NOW
YOU JACKASS!
On Pathetic Morons-
Any Game-Anywhere-Anytime
To all you Stupid Gamblers:
Please, please don't pull money out of your shoe, your sock, your huge sweaty bra, or anywhere else that
requires a blow dryer and a can of Lysol in order for your Dealer to handle your cash without becoming
physically ill. That's what wallets and purses are made for. If you cannot afford one of these, you have
no business blowing your money at the casino. Please show a little human kindness.
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I have a man playing Blackjack at my table. He claims he lost eleven hundred dollars that was supposed
to go toward this month's bills. Placing his last bet he says "If I don't win this back, I might as well not go
home".
I don't know if he went home that night or not. Either way, again...
GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS NATIONAL HOTLINE 888-GA-HELPS (888-424-3577)-CALL NOW
YOU JACKASS!
More On Pathetic Morons-
Any Game-Anywhere-Anytime
Almost...almost.
OK. Enough with the almost...almost.
"I have a pair, I almost had three of a kind". "I got three of a kind, I almost had a full house".
"Just one more club, I almost had a flush"...
Yeah, almost...almost.
You've got twenty, that's almost twenty one. You've got a nine, that's almost two nines.
You almost played the winning number on Roulette.
Anything is almost something else.
Well if it's almost, then it isn't, is it? When it is you'll get paid for it.
Until then, stop stating the obvious. Stop whining.
Stop trying to sound like almost a winner, you loser. Just stop.
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As I was dealing Mini bac, at a full table one of the players was mumbling under his breath every time he
would loose (wich was almost every hand). His mumbling kept getting louder, until he was yelling at me.
He then yelled "I HATE YOU! YOU'RE UGLY AND MEAN AND I HATE YOU!" He pointed to each
player one at a time and said "And he hates you, and he hates you," and so on, when he got to about
the 5th player he said "well maybe he DOESN'T hate you", then he continued with the "he hates yous"
until he pointed to every player at the table. The players all got really quite. When he finished yelling, I
burst out in laughter and I said "Oh, I know you secretly love me!" Then everyone at the table started
laughing. The wierdest part of the whole story is the guy still came in and played mini bac every day for
many months after that day. I called him my boyfriend!
Casino Stupid Gambler Story XI-Visitor Submitted
Dealing to high rollers is quite the experience. This is probably as pathetic as they come. Middle aged
male comes to the table and buys in for 10K (cash, mind you). Proceeds to bet 2K on 2 hands and wins.
2K again 2 hands 2 double downs and loses. Loses the other 4K in 2 hands. Digs in his pockets and gives
the dealer a huge stack of 100s'. Asks for 20K in purple (500$ chips). 6 hands later he's digging for the
remainder of his change, 12.5K to be exact. In less then 30 minutes he loses 42.5K and says "Well, I
guess it's time for me to go". DAAAAAAAAA. 42.5K in cash. More than most people make in a year.
What an exciting way to spend a half hour. WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK?
Casino Stupid Gambler Story XII-Visitor Submitted
I believe that your best chance at blackjack is to play basic strategy.
The more I deal it and play it the more I believe it. Mind you, the cards still fall as they may and you will
not always make a 21 when you hit 16.... but you must give yourself that chance.
The players are always trying to out guess the cards, at least that's what I call it. Dealer has a 10 up,
player hits a 5 card 16 and of course that famous... "I know that next card is a face" line comes out. Then
the most famous line of all, and the one I just love, "You gots to follow your first mind" line is echoed by
most players at the table. He waves off the 16, I flip over a 6 and lo and behold I throw down a 5 for 21.
Now come the "I always hit my 16s'" and of course "let's see what would have happened if you took that
hit"......
OH MAN "THE DEALER WOULDA BUSTED".
If they only knew how "stupid gamblers" talk and how it sounds to the dealer I think they would wise
up............WRRRRONG
They is what they is.
A Dealer Says...-Visitor Submitted
Great page! As a dealer I can relate to most every story. "Gots to follow your first mind." nearly made
me choke with laughter. I have no idea how many times I have witnessed the entire table mumbling this
phrase following any 'decision' made by another player.
Stories about sweaty nasty money also hit close to home. I'll definately buy and wear the "win all you
can, you're still losers" shirt if that idea ever materializes. May I suggest that it be darkly printed on the
back of the shirt so dealers can wear it under their uniform shirts.
Keep up the great work. I'm passing word along so others can check out the site. I'm planning on
submitting a few of my own stupid gambler stories soon.
Feedback-Visitor Submitted
Webmaster reply-Thanks so much, looking forward to your stories, and I'll work on the t-shirts.
Love this site, its way tooooo funny, and oh so true!!! What about the players that shake their heads in
disgust, and mumble under their breath, and/or stare down a player that doesn't hit their 16 against my
10, but low and behold I break, then suddenly they are high fiving that player, telling them how they
saved the table!, but then they lose the next hand, and it's all because that guy did't hit his 16 last hand!
I am telling everybody about this site!
Feedback-Visitor Submitted
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I'm sitting box at a dice table, and the stickman just back from break sends the dice to the player next to
the shooter.
This minor mistake is corrected and the game continues.
One player just won't let it go.
"Always a clown at every table...no matter where you go there's a clown at every table..."
Maybe four rolls later once again he says, "it never fails there's at least one clown at every table"
I looked at him and said, "thank you for filling our quota, sir."
Everyone Loves the Circus-Visitor Submitted
Any Game-Anywhere-Anytime
To all you Stupid Gamblers:
I can't recall how many times I've heard the words "every time" from you Stupid Gamblers.
"Every time I raise my bet I lose". "Every time I play with this Dealer I lose".
"Every time I have a pair, the Dealer has a higher pair". "Every time, every time...".
Well, duh! How many times does it take? If you really are mindless enough to think that the cards are
paying attention to how you bet or what the Dealer is hiding, think of it this way.
If something happens EVERY TIME, then perhaps you should adjust your actions accordingly.
Every time I step in a mud puddle, my shoes get wet and dirty. Hmmm. Stop stepping in mud puddles.
Every time I stick my finger in my eye, it hurts. Hmmm. I think maybe I'll stop doing that.
Get the picture, geniuses? If every time you go to the casino, you do nothing but whine about your
recurrent misfortunes at the casino, maybe it's time to find another hobby. Stay home for a quiet night of
sticking your finger in your eye. Maybe then you'll get the point. But then, if you're a Stupid Gambler,
maybe not.
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I heard a Stupid Gambler last night say to another Stupid Gambler, "The cards are changing".
What!? You mean you don't get the same hand every deal? The cards are shuffled? Sometimes you
win, sometimes you lose? Just like in games of chance at a casino?
Superbly intuitive observation, Mr. Cleaver!
Aw, gee, Wally. I sure wish I could be that aware of MY surroundings.
Quicky
Subject: Casino Blonde : Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000.00 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope
you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from the neck
down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop
she jumped up and down and squealed, "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers
and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other
dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I
thought you were watching!!" THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men
A Dealer Says...-Visitor Submitted
I remember when I used to have to control my laugh when people smack the table and say "backdoor
me", but if that's how they have a good time to each their own. And under the every time genre, one I
hear frequently in the dice pit is "every time they change the stick". I occasionally inform that "this is
the same stick that the other person was holding." We only replace it after friction has whittled it into a
toothpick. Sometimes I just confess that it is a magic wand and we replentish our powers in the
breakroom. The world is full of stupid people.
A Dealer Says...-Visitor Submitted
The "Do you gamble too much?" signs....are above the A.T.M. machines...brilliant.
A Dealer Says...-Visitor Submitted
So why is it when you Stupid Gamblers lose, you damn the dealer, but when you win, you thank God?
Because you're Stupid Gamblers? Bingo!
Got religion?
Hey, Stupid Gamblers. Just where did you come up with the word "jenkie", or "genkie", however it's
spelled. A Stupid Gambler says to me, "I knew you were a jenkie Dealer when you sat down". Good
job, Uri Geller. If you knew I was jenkie, and jenkie is a bad thing, why did you keep playing...and
bitching? Maybe because you're as intelligent as you are psychic. I'd call that a big fat 0 for 2.
Definition, please...
Player sits at my B.J. table, first thing out of his mouth..
Player: Will, right away I have to tell you, I dont believe in tipping.
Dealer: Dwayne, right away I have to tell you, I dont belive in busting.
A Dealer Says...-Visitor Submitted
Tapping onto my game at 8 pm..I deal one hand, that's one hand and I win. The yahoo in the first seat
says "damn man, you've beat me every hand!" I smile and continue. The next hand, I busted...same
yahoo says "it's about time, man." I look at him and say " hey, I've busted half this shoe, thats pretty
good"
I believe blackjack players are all magicians in training. They're always making motions with their hands,
grunting their magic word, yelling for their card or smack the table to beat their desired from the felt to
about a 10% success rate. The worst is when they check my badge so they can make their begging
personal. (insert nails scraping blackboard) When their wish goes unfulfilled, appearently they missed the
memo regarding Santa Claus, they insist the reason they didn't receive the card they covet is because I
have some discretion, that I'm oblivious to, and did not want them to receive it to which I reply if I had
that kind of talent I wouldn't waste it here.
A Dealer Says...-Visitor Submitted
A Dealer Says...-Visitor Submitted
