www.stupidgamblers.com

So it's father's day and I am dealing some Paigow Poker. This player comes up to the table and says
happy father's day to everyone. I say it in return. He sits down and he immediately loses the first four
hands. He looks at me and says "I don't like the way you said Happy Father's day! You didn't say it
enthusiastically enough! You didn't mean it! Because of that I am going to lose every hand!!!"

Stupid Gambler starts out the day in a very happy, upbeat mood. After every single hand...they say
"Praise Jesus!" They win a ton of money, all the while praising Jesus, and never tipping...
So as the day drags on...and the stupid gambler isn't smart enough to get up and leave the table w/ their
winnings...they start losing...and it goes from "Praise Jesus" to "God damnit, son of a bitch"
I said "Hey! Don't be mad at Jesus because you didn't get up and leave the table".

A stupid gambler comes up to a dead paigow table and asks "is this black jack?"
The dealer informs the player "No this is paigow Poker, sir"
The player says "WELL, I WANT TO PLAY BLACK JACK!!"
The dealer tells him to sit down and put his money in the circle.
He then proceeds to deal out all the cards..he flips over the players seven
card hand and counts the cards out
"You have 57 sir...you BUST, do you still want to play black jack?"

Dealing blackjack to a full table, a man approaches and leans in, squeezing himself between players in an
attempt to get the floorperson's attention, of course, saying "Pit Boss...Pit Boss" over and over until she
finally notices him. As I continue dealing to my players, I overhear him ask her "Could you tell me where
the straight blackjack tables are?" She asks him to clarify and he says'"You know...just the plain-ole
straight blackjack tables." The floorperson remains silent for a moment before explaining that the tables
in this area are probably what he's looking for (regular blackjack). However, during this time, I let my
game fall to a lull and look at the man and say, "Oh...As opposed to the 'gay' blackjack tables?" The
entire table cracks up, four players tossed me tokes, and my floorperson had to turn around and walk
away to compose herself. The man seemed not to 'get' it, but that made it even more hilarious.

Picture this...a ten dollar blackjack table...full of whining, grumpy players acting like babies, crying several times
about wanting the table brought down to a five dollar game. Now, I'm new to the shift, and am working with a
floorperson I don't personally know. She is quite busy dealing with the roulette table next to me. Nothing I say or do
is changing the miserable infantile attitudes of the players at my table. Well, I'm the type of dealer who likes to have
fun at my table, this day it was to be at my whining players' expense. I called my floor over and asked her if she
could hear 'that squeeking noise'. She frustratedly said "no." and walked away. I remained in a playful mood and
dealt a few hands before calling her over again to basically ask her the same thing. She told me she didn't hear
anything and returned to the roulette table. By then, my players are wondering what kind of 'squeeking' I'm hearing
and what it's all about. A couple mumble that they don't hear anything either. I keep saying that I'm hearing a subtle
'squeeking' coming from somewhere under the table. A couple players bend and look, reporting that they don't see
anything under there. I wait a few hands, still listening to constant whining and bitching and complaining about how
ten dollars a hand is too much and no one's winning anything, blah, blah, blah. (of course, none of them can add for
themselves, and no one seems to even have a concept of basic strategy or anything) I call my floor over and say,"I
can't believe you're not hearing that. Something's squeeking, and it's coming from under here... I step back a half
step and shift my gaze a bit to the floor and finally say loudly, "Oh,It's these darn TRAINING WHEELS on the
table! I forgot I'm dealing on the 'training wheel' table! My bad, people, my bad."
My floor absolutely cracked up, and as soon as the players realized they had been insulted, they closed their
dropped jaws and quit whining like babies. Whaaah!
Doh! Stupid Gamblers!

An old woman frumps up to my blackjack table and bungles around trying to get her butt onto the stool, all the while
clutching her purse in front of her with both hands. She digs around and throws five crumpled twenty dollar bills onto
the table. I've dealt to this particular woman before and will admit to giving her a somewhat unsavory nickname. I
call her one of the "Gypsy Sisters". She plays, and two other women stand beside/behind her and mumble nothing
but negativity directed at me. I take the bills and say, "Hello. How are you tonight?" She aims her sour face at me
and disgustingly waves her hand at me and replies, "Aggh. You! How am I? I'm terrible! I'm losing money and here
you are smiling while you take more. I'm miserable! That's how I am!" I lay out and mark the bills, cut out one
hundred dollars in cheques and call out loudly..."CHANGING...A GRUMBLY, CRABBY AND DOWNRIGHT
MISERABLE ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS!" The table cracks up, and my floor stops !
giggling long enough to say..."SEND IT".